How I learned to love the bomb

How quickly we forget what happened.  Rare is the person who reflects long enough to remember the pitfalls of our own past. 

While I have been thinking about the past a lot I have not forgotten where I'm going.  It can't be said that there is only one path foreword.  After all we live in a universe of almost infinite possibility. (trust me, I know time.)

But how do we choose what path to set out on?  Well, I don't know how you do it but I do so based on the core priniples and values.  That's right, I think there is absolute truth in the universe.  In doing so I find myself set apart from a lot of the people whom I grew up with.  My coming of age the first time proved that I can not trust them because they waffle.  My second coming of age will not see me attempt to fix them again.  I know I can not fix them.  But that also hurts them because they don't understand why I don't want to be around their constant failure. 

I can not correct their own internal problems so what can I do for them?

The only thing I can do is make my self better so that I can hopefully keep them from dooming us all, again.

OOC: Why does it not pay to work harder in an RPG

So for years now I've been the hardest working person in the gaming group.  Mostly letting the others ride my coat tails and whine.  It's not fair that I bothered to read the rules.  It's not fair that I talked my way into fixing an in game problem and got something out of it.  That kind of thing.

From there is moves onto openly stealing my ideas.  I want a flying mount that can do some stuff, suddenly new characters show up with the almost exact mount I had been talking about.  NPCs, yeah, maybe a way to get me what I was looking for.  PCs just being dicks.

I talked about the business I worked out in the previous post.  All kinds of problems, from people being pissed that I had money to some how it was wrong that my character started broke was now the richest.

This stuff was also a problem in D&D given that I handled group inventory.  While I was handing out +5 weapons as we found them, the +4 weapons and equipment that I had used since level 12 where a problem at level 23.

Now the GM has made it clear that he will not let me do anything big.  Even if we do go back to the Marvel game.

This pisses me off as I'm a firm believer in getting rewarded for hard work.  Not for floating along and just demanding things like petulant children.  I really don't understand the point of playing if you can't win something.  It's way to every one gets a trophy for me.

Maybe I'll come to terms with this but one of the problems is we are playing Exalted now and Exalted is so SJW friendly that it doesn't have ways to reward players.  Every one comes out equal for the most part.  Depending on if you made all the games.

It's a crazy world and I'm not sure that gaming is really worth it any more.

I miss my old powers

"I never had to hang my head in shame
For puttin' a price tag on my name
Never turned my back on what I believe
Or let my heart be ruled by greed
'Cause buddy if I didn't earn it, I don't want it
That way I can always say, I got it honest"
"I Got It Honest" was written by Tippin/burch/johnson.

About my second year of high school I figured out a way to bypass the fact that part of my long term academic probation.  I had been put on financial restriction for some of the bad things that I was prone to do.  (Remind me to write about why harmless pranks are worse than putting people in comas).  What I did was use the existing ability to pull certain kinds of matter to me in limited quantity.  Shifting it from bringing armor material to precious metal and exotic materials.

This would let me gather 50lbs of material from a 75 mile radius every 3 seconds or so.  Given that gold and other minerals exist in microscopic quantities in soil and sea water, I could sit in one place and go for months without effecting anything.This led me to going to mining school, buying vast tracts of land in the middle of now where, and forming what would become the crown jewel of my achievements (outside of getting Rebbecca to marry me).  I formed my multinational mineral management company Large Mouth Industries.

LMI had offices in Washington State, Canada, India, Qatar, and Brazil.  Within a few short years of starting up I was moving so much cargo that I had to have a teleporter on staff to keep things moving smoothly.

Eventually I did run into a problem cause Savage Dragon didn't like the fact that I was a better wrestler (that's how I chose to remember it) and I got PNG'd from Canada.  So I shut down the portion of the company there and chose to not to business with any company head quartered in Canada.  Then there was the problem with my teleporter being wanted and having to live on the run.  Secure satellite coms are a must in that kind of environment.

Earth 2:

After the space ship mission at some point I started suffering power burn out.  I lost the ability to pull material to me.  I also seem to have lost the ability to adapt to new forms.  

While this was a major point in my story, other than keeping me from selling any more kryptonite to Luthor it was something I could live with.  It just meant restructuring and colapsing some of the reach a lot.  But since I was also running a school it wasn't that big a deal.

Earth 1701:

On this world the ship missing was almost 10 years later. No power loss and even less drama.  I had expanded my use of my abilities to things like vibranium. Nth metal, and cleaning up fallout from nuclear weapons testing.

My skill set had also expanded to advanced metallurgy.  I was pouring both kinds of vibranium, nth metal and adamantium.  These skills would serve me well later.

BNW:

OOC: I've been put on restriction by the GM that I can never again be a big money making machine because the other players think it's cheating some how.

Song lyrics

Now some one might stumble in here and read some of this some day so maybe I should answer a question.  Why the song lyrics in a lot of the posts?

Well the simpleton that plays me started with a simple concept.   What if the guy who Chris LeDoux was singing about in a lot of his songs was a kid from Idaho?  What if that kid grew up in the area and in the family of the Sheriff (Bo Tully) that Patric McManus wrote about?  What if that poor messed up kid who over felt things and grew up poor but lucky was mixed with the Marvel Mangaverse "Thing"?

Well that's how I ended up being here.

The Song lyrics are still used to this day to test emotion responses and come up with ideas on how to deal with things.  Also story points when telling background stories or allegories.

OOC:  Why I don't think we can go back


"But I hear with my heart
What she says with her eyes with
Good evening, Manuel or Manuel, por favor
Or The carriage, Manuel or Manuel, close the door"

Read more: Kingston Trio - San Miguel Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

OOC: I really don't think we can go back to the marvel game the way we left things.  Not and have any kind of feel like we used to have. Since the world restart we've struggled and nothing for me as felt good like it used to.  Mostly its the lack of participation in people's own characters.  They don't seem to even try and connect to them in a game that is mostly about interpersonal relationships.  If you don't know who your character is it's hard to interact with people in a real way.

This really hurts me a lot, losing this game.  This was the game where I really got to stretch out and do and be things that I loved.  In the last year I lost my dad, my favorite uncle, my home, my health, my game and my favorite characters.  It's been a shitty year.

Part of the problem was I think people never quite got what was going on and they didn't ever have their characters really react to the level of change they went through.  But then again none of them ever had anything they worked for in the previous game to loose.  I had worked my ass off to get where I was.  Some of it was exploitative of the system but most of it was long hours working with the GM to get stuff worked out the way it needed to be.  Plus years of gaming to get things in place.

This new game we are playing they all seemed to be excited about but I could leave it and never think of it again.  Plus I'm told I need to change my play style to cater to their inability to see anything going on.  Now I have to explain to them what's going on.  Like they are a bunch of damned little kids.  Now grown ass men in their 20-40's

How do people who have been gaming for over 10 years still fall for every contrived or basic GM trick?  Oh that's right, not paying attention or treating it like it's a real world.

I'm not a good player, but I follow along and I try and do my best.  I find it hard to understand why people would do something like gaming that takes up so much of your time and not put some effort into it.

But I'm probably wrong.  Sure the GM agrees with me but we are both bad players.

Oh and lets not forget that the other players don't like it when I rules argue cause they don't get that I argue for balance and so oppose their frivolous wants to make their character awesome that minute.

So if I want to play I have to play their game.  Ok, fine.  I'll do that but like I told them, I'm not building the world and I'm not making the decisions this go round.  We'll see how that works out.

 

 

"Once I had a heart cold as ice love to me was only for fun
I'd make a mark for each broken heart
Like notches on the butt of a gun
Once I had a trick up my sleeve and a reputation all over town
I was heartless and cold wherever I'd go
I shot down every young girl I found"
"Now who'd have thought that someone like you could take a desperado like me
But oh here I am I'm as meek as a lamb
With my bleeding heart there at your feet

Yes I used to be a moonlight bandit I used to be a heartbreak kid
Then I met you and the next thing I knew
There I was oh shot full of love"  ~ Chris LeDoux 'Shot full of love'

Where would I be with out the women that I've had in my life. I'm not talking about ones that are in my family or ones I work with, but the ones that I learned to love.

In my youth I was not a good person to women.  Once I learned what I could use there sex organs for I pretty much found ways to use them as much as possible with out any thought to the damage I was doing the person they where attached to.

That peaked the time that I had sex with a woman through some holding cell bars over the body of a security guard (knocked out).  Oh did I mention I tasered her a few times during and dove into her ass unprepared?   Cause that was part of it too.

So yeah, I had a lot to learn and find out.

After a while I started to find that it was more rewarding to treat women like real people and that did have some massive benefits.

I never would have had Aquaman make me a sandwich if it wasn't for Lydia. I never would have met the Batman if it wasn't for Cissy.  I wouldn't have had the freedom to run my life as shitty as I have it it wasn't for Rebbecca.  Just to name a few.

While those years and miles are behind us, I often at night think of them.  Back then I never thought that things would ever be leaving but I guess some things just don't stay as they are.  But I will always have the memories and those will be with me like my love.  It will go on until the end of time.

If any one ever does read these, don't let yourself down like I have.  The guilt I have carrying around the logs from my wife and knowing that I can never read them because of what Mr Wright did will haunt me as long as there is breath in me.  

Why I don't think we'll go back

Haz: Half of our current group doesn't really want to play the game any more.  And it's getting to be where I don't want to either.  Why should I go back to playing a game where I'm the only one who ever does any work besides the GM. 

At this point if I do even go back to gaming (I've skipped over a month of games) I'm more than happy to not be attached, and not do more than let them know they are dumb.

I shouldn't feel this way and I shouldn't be treating it like a revenge fantasy but right now I don't care.

I'd rather work an extra day a week than deal with it.  After getting ridiculed for reading too much 3.5 and 'cheating' by reading the options or getting accused of cheating for having learned to build characters for mutants and masterminds that aren't stupid why should I care any more.

I miss when I used to look forward to gaming days in advance or all week.  Sadly I just don't have anything to dig into with the current Exalted game.  And even in Marvel we've bogged down by people who don't get what's going on and stall out the progress that some of us are trying to make to be a hero at some point.

So we probably won't be going back.  Meaning that in 2014/2015 I lost;
My Dad
The family ranch
My uncle Barnie (dad's older brother)
My dog
My characters
My love of gaming
My drive to be a good gamer
My hope for the future
My health continues to get worse
My dreams