"Once I had a heart cold as ice love to me was only for fun
I'd make a mark for each broken heart
Like notches on the butt of a gun
Once I had a trick up my sleeve and a reputation all over town
I was heartless and cold wherever I'd go
I shot down every young girl I found"
"Now who'd have thought that someone like you could take a desperado like me
But oh here I am I'm as meek as a lamb
With my bleeding heart there at your feet

Yes I used to be a moonlight bandit I used to be a heartbreak kid
Then I met you and the next thing I knew
There I was oh shot full of love"  ~ Chris LeDoux 'Shot full of love'

Where would I be with out the women that I've had in my life. I'm not talking about ones that are in my family or ones I work with, but the ones that I learned to love.

In my youth I was not a good person to women.  Once I learned what I could use there sex organs for I pretty much found ways to use them as much as possible with out any thought to the damage I was doing the person they where attached to.

That peaked the time that I had sex with a woman through some holding cell bars over the body of a security guard (knocked out).  Oh did I mention I tasered her a few times during and dove into her ass unprepared?   Cause that was part of it too.

So yeah, I had a lot to learn and find out.

After a while I started to find that it was more rewarding to treat women like real people and that did have some massive benefits.

I never would have had Aquaman make me a sandwich if it wasn't for Lydia. I never would have met the Batman if it wasn't for Cissy.  I wouldn't have had the freedom to run my life as shitty as I have it it wasn't for Rebbecca.  Just to name a few.

While those years and miles are behind us, I often at night think of them.  Back then I never thought that things would ever be leaving but I guess some things just don't stay as they are.  But I will always have the memories and those will be with me like my love.  It will go on until the end of time.

If any one ever does read these, don't let yourself down like I have.  The guilt I have carrying around the logs from my wife and knowing that I can never read them because of what Mr Wright did will haunt me as long as there is breath in me.