Song lyrics

Now some one might stumble in here and read some of this some day so maybe I should answer a question.  Why the song lyrics in a lot of the posts?

Well the simpleton that plays me started with a simple concept.   What if the guy who Chris LeDoux was singing about in a lot of his songs was a kid from Idaho?  What if that kid grew up in the area and in the family of the Sheriff (Bo Tully) that Patric McManus wrote about?  What if that poor messed up kid who over felt things and grew up poor but lucky was mixed with the Marvel Mangaverse "Thing"?

Well that's how I ended up being here.

The Song lyrics are still used to this day to test emotion responses and come up with ideas on how to deal with things.  Also story points when telling background stories or allegories.

OOC:  Why I don't think we can go back


"But I hear with my heart
What she says with her eyes with
Good evening, Manuel or Manuel, por favor
Or The carriage, Manuel or Manuel, close the door"

Read more: Kingston Trio - San Miguel Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

OOC: I really don't think we can go back to the marvel game the way we left things.  Not and have any kind of feel like we used to have. Since the world restart we've struggled and nothing for me as felt good like it used to.  Mostly its the lack of participation in people's own characters.  They don't seem to even try and connect to them in a game that is mostly about interpersonal relationships.  If you don't know who your character is it's hard to interact with people in a real way.

This really hurts me a lot, losing this game.  This was the game where I really got to stretch out and do and be things that I loved.  In the last year I lost my dad, my favorite uncle, my home, my health, my game and my favorite characters.  It's been a shitty year.

Part of the problem was I think people never quite got what was going on and they didn't ever have their characters really react to the level of change they went through.  But then again none of them ever had anything they worked for in the previous game to loose.  I had worked my ass off to get where I was.  Some of it was exploitative of the system but most of it was long hours working with the GM to get stuff worked out the way it needed to be.  Plus years of gaming to get things in place.

This new game we are playing they all seemed to be excited about but I could leave it and never think of it again.  Plus I'm told I need to change my play style to cater to their inability to see anything going on.  Now I have to explain to them what's going on.  Like they are a bunch of damned little kids.  Now grown ass men in their 20-40's

How do people who have been gaming for over 10 years still fall for every contrived or basic GM trick?  Oh that's right, not paying attention or treating it like it's a real world.

I'm not a good player, but I follow along and I try and do my best.  I find it hard to understand why people would do something like gaming that takes up so much of your time and not put some effort into it.

But I'm probably wrong.  Sure the GM agrees with me but we are both bad players.

Oh and lets not forget that the other players don't like it when I rules argue cause they don't get that I argue for balance and so oppose their frivolous wants to make their character awesome that minute.

So if I want to play I have to play their game.  Ok, fine.  I'll do that but like I told them, I'm not building the world and I'm not making the decisions this go round.  We'll see how that works out.

 

 

"Once I had a heart cold as ice love to me was only for fun
I'd make a mark for each broken heart
Like notches on the butt of a gun
Once I had a trick up my sleeve and a reputation all over town
I was heartless and cold wherever I'd go
I shot down every young girl I found"
"Now who'd have thought that someone like you could take a desperado like me
But oh here I am I'm as meek as a lamb
With my bleeding heart there at your feet

Yes I used to be a moonlight bandit I used to be a heartbreak kid
Then I met you and the next thing I knew
There I was oh shot full of love"  ~ Chris LeDoux 'Shot full of love'

Where would I be with out the women that I've had in my life. I'm not talking about ones that are in my family or ones I work with, but the ones that I learned to love.

In my youth I was not a good person to women.  Once I learned what I could use there sex organs for I pretty much found ways to use them as much as possible with out any thought to the damage I was doing the person they where attached to.

That peaked the time that I had sex with a woman through some holding cell bars over the body of a security guard (knocked out).  Oh did I mention I tasered her a few times during and dove into her ass unprepared?   Cause that was part of it too.

So yeah, I had a lot to learn and find out.

After a while I started to find that it was more rewarding to treat women like real people and that did have some massive benefits.

I never would have had Aquaman make me a sandwich if it wasn't for Lydia. I never would have met the Batman if it wasn't for Cissy.  I wouldn't have had the freedom to run my life as shitty as I have it it wasn't for Rebbecca.  Just to name a few.

While those years and miles are behind us, I often at night think of them.  Back then I never thought that things would ever be leaving but I guess some things just don't stay as they are.  But I will always have the memories and those will be with me like my love.  It will go on until the end of time.

If any one ever does read these, don't let yourself down like I have.  The guilt I have carrying around the logs from my wife and knowing that I can never read them because of what Mr Wright did will haunt me as long as there is breath in me.  

Why I don't think we'll go back

Haz: Half of our current group doesn't really want to play the game any more.  And it's getting to be where I don't want to either.  Why should I go back to playing a game where I'm the only one who ever does any work besides the GM. 

At this point if I do even go back to gaming (I've skipped over a month of games) I'm more than happy to not be attached, and not do more than let them know they are dumb.

I shouldn't feel this way and I shouldn't be treating it like a revenge fantasy but right now I don't care.

I'd rather work an extra day a week than deal with it.  After getting ridiculed for reading too much 3.5 and 'cheating' by reading the options or getting accused of cheating for having learned to build characters for mutants and masterminds that aren't stupid why should I care any more.

I miss when I used to look forward to gaming days in advance or all week.  Sadly I just don't have anything to dig into with the current Exalted game.  And even in Marvel we've bogged down by people who don't get what's going on and stall out the progress that some of us are trying to make to be a hero at some point.

So we probably won't be going back.  Meaning that in 2014/2015 I lost;
My Dad
The family ranch
My uncle Barnie (dad's older brother)
My dog
My characters
My love of gaming
My drive to be a good gamer
My hope for the future
My health continues to get worse
My dreams

"Between the high lines and the fence posts
The interstate and the dirt roads
No matter how the wind blows
I hear your name
Out of all the things I've done that I regret
There's only one I'd like to change
Out here, between the rainbows and the rain" 
~ Between The Rainbow And The Rain
(Brett Jones, Tony Lane and Jess Brown)

Haz: I got in a converstation with the group GM tonight about where the current game is headed.  Where in he told me that he was looking at giving my character a wife or a super close friend.  I turned around and told him he could stuff the idea of a wife and a super close friend.  Cause after the last year I'm not having any part of building that kind of thing up in game ever again.

This might need a bit of background.   In 2013 he used a story line that was based on something my dad told me against me.  That being that my dad at some point become physically intimidated by my size.  I'm a pretty big guy at 6'2" and broad.  My dad was 5'8" at his peak and was solid but not big.  I take after my mom's side of the family for build.  This was also while my dad was just starting to get sick with his cancer.

Then with in a month or so of my dad passing he did the world reboot that caused my character's wife to be killed off and the new universe version of her to reject him.  Since ever one he knew are also from different universe they are all strangers.

Now I'm sure there are going to a lot of people going what's the big deal?  Games come and go all the time.  Well when you've been playing the same person for over 8/9 years and you knew everything about them, the way they see things, the people they know and everything is so clear that it's like living a separate life.

I'm not against new games or new things in them.  I'm just never going to let a game hurt me the way the old ones ended up.

The meme was posted by the guy who write and draws the Terminal Lance comic.  I thought it summed up the way I feel about a lot of the people I've worked with in the past that I've seen come in from their other selves.

For the most part I don't hate them, why should I?  That would take up way more of my time than I'm willing to give them.  Some of them live on that fact though and it bugs me when they are willing to come so close to the line and then puss out right before they cross it.

Sad thing is that most of them aren't evil, they are just clueless.  They run around like they are free to do what ever they want with out consequence never figuring out that it's all a test.  It's a test to subtle that if you where to say keep your eyes closed for the time it takes to walk across Nevada you would miss it.  Yet some how they do.

I used to feel sorry for them and even tried to help but they for the most part just claim that they don't understand english and that it's my fault.  Now some times I do try and teach with allegory and not everyone gets that kind of thing.  But most people understand that when you tell them a story about something happening and it's related to what's going on they can put it together or at least ask questions.

You have to ask questions to be successful because you are not the other person and they are not you. Unless you're multiple man and then all bets are off.

"There are songs about the heroes and the great things they have done
And the hell they went through to get this far
But this song is for the cowboy who never been a hero
And the hard times he goes through all the while

He gives it all he's got, but it's never quite enough
Oh, the Lord and him alone know how he's tried
But he'll try and try again, although he'll never win
And all that he's got goin' is his pride.

CHORUS
He's never been a hero and he probably never be one
But in his heart he knows he gave his all
My hat goes off to you my friend
And to the champ you might have been
If Lady Luck had smiled on you at all.

The broncs are just too tough, and he doesn't have enough
Of what it takes to make it to the top
What makes him want to go - well, Lord, I guess I know
He loves it too damn much to ever stop.

He bites the dust once more - gets up to hear "no score"
Then he stumbles to the chutes to ease the pain
And underneath his breath he cusses to himself
I'll ride him if I get the chance again.

 CHORUS

If Lady Luck had smiled on you at all" ~ Chris LeDoux "Not For Heroes"

There has never been a better description of how my life has been since I started trying to be a hero than this song.

I'm not perfect, far from it (except as a lover, I excel at that). But I do try hard and apply myself to things that need my attention.

Most of the stories on here are universal but the game itself took place in several different worlds that are mostly identical.

In the main universe the game ended well after the space ship mission that brought about the end of the 1701 verse.

In the universe 2 (Universe 1 ended with a Thanagarian invasion that was handled so badly that it required reset) I survived the ship mission and we where able to blow up the ship but it cost the lives of 48 or so of the people who went up there.  I was not permitted to go do the blowing up part that I probably could have survived so we lost one member of the team that way.

In the aftermath we went through some struggles and we ended up rearranging some things.  Because of the mass influx of new characters needed we moved to a new school, my school.  I had constructed a school facility and business head quarters for Large Mouth Industries my mining company in Idaho.  So the few of us almost adults moved there and I started to administer a school.  This gave me a way to have my wife close like I liked, I got to give her things she wanted and I got to be in charge of things.  Now I wasn't the best admin the system had ever seen but I didn't even get 6 months to work it out.

After a few problems and a couple of disagrements I ended up relocating to Nevada to be closer to my mining properties.  This was also about the time that my ability to collect materials started to fade.  Now I've still never seen any evidence of real X-Gene mutants having there powers fade but that's a different story. So I was having to find a way to do things the right way when I had been cheating.

This was part of a long standing feud in the gaming group where people thought I used the money to bypass things.  And if buying plane tickets and getting a car from a dealer instead of finding one used is cheating, I'm guilty.  So now in this Brave New World I'm told flat out that the GM will never let me have my own money again.  Not that we are hurting for it but seriously, what's the point of working harder that ideas and accomplishments if you cant build a reward in game?